In the words of the great Garth Brooks: "Life's a dance you learn as you go." Sometimes I feel as if truer words have never been spoken. I have had to learn the hard way recently that it doesn't matter how many plans you make for you life, sometimes the dance falls apart and things no longer look even remotely like that are supposed to. That is what makes me so thankful to serve a God to goes before us. He knows the plans he has made for us and he knows what our dance is going to look like far before we do. Praise the Lord that I do not have to do this life on my own! I am far too much of a mess to be trusted with my own plans and my own future. Jesus take the wheel... please!
This quote was written by a good friend of mine and when I saw it the other day it hit my smack in the face. This is how I feel!!! Is anyone else with me? Its crazy to by put in a position in life that tests your faith beyond anything you have ever experienced.... and to come out of it still holding on with a tight grip. I have wrestled with God so many times over the last 7 months (bless all of you who have sat with me during those times and gave me words of wisdom and encouragement). Courage really is exhausting. And sometimes faith is too vulnerable of a position to live in day in and day out. But man, we serve a God who loves us so much more than our little hearts can handle. He looks on us as his children in our times of fear, anger, doubt, grief etc and he doesn't expect us to have it all together.... he wants us to live by faith in him and sometimes that means not have
all any of the answers but trusting him to take care of us anyway.
Last week was a tough one for me in terms of doubt and fear. I doubted God's power and plan for my life because it seemed as if nothing around me made sense. Nothing was fair. Everything hurt.... I told my mom that I felt like I was trapped on an island with the Lord... God was with me in my bubble, and I was safe, but as far out as I could see in any direction looked like dark, evil shark infested waters. "When do I get to be taken to the promised land Lord? I feel you here with me, but all I can see is a waging war of sin everywhere and it is wearing me out!" I need a vacation from this. GET ME OFF THIS ISLAND! (who has been there?)
Well, I have no doubt that the Lord heard my cry... because the second half of last week I learned a lot about my "island" and why I am still there. I need to learn to let go of hurt and forgive. (gulp) I need to hand my future over to the Lord and trust him with it. Not just say I am trusting him, but really do it. He cant bring me to the promised land if I am constantly fixated on my hurt and basically handing Satan all the ammo he needs to wage a full on attack against me. The Lord has, and is protecting me through my struggles.... I know he is. He can shower me with light, but I wont feel it or see it unless I learn to let go of the darkness. Man, talk about a life lesson.